~just what i did the summer of 09

I was in my room one late morning when I saw this little light. The light started as a tiny dot directly in front of me and slowly grew and as it grew it moved to my far right eye. I had never experienced anything like that before! It scared me. I went upstairs to tell my mom and she immediately got on the phone and got me in for an appointment. The second the light faded away I was hit with a horrible headache. Little did I know that this was the beginning of something BIG!

My head was not getting any better on the way to the hospital. When we finally got there we walked in and I sat in the waiting room with my head in my hands. My name was finally called and I walked into the cold square room and sat down. I explained everything to the Doctor. The light, the headache following and the bad headaches I had been experiencing for some time. He said that it sounded like a normal migraine but... He wanted a brain scan to be sure.....

So a few days later I went to get the scan. I didn't think much about it. I laid on the narrow, uncomfortable bed not moving and listening to the annoying sounds the big donut-shaped machine was making, went home and got a call saying the needed me to come back for a scan of my vessels. I didn't think anything about that either. I went in and did what I had to do... Well we went back home and there was a message on the answering machine saying that there was a finding! What was it? We had to go into the office and find out tomorrow morning.

The rest of the day I was fearful... What was it? Was it going to kill me? I didn't know!
Somehow I manged to fall asleep that night. The next morning I woke up and jolted out of bed, threw on the first outfit in the closet I saw and we all piled in the car and drove... I wanted to know what it was. I'll skip through all the waiting and anxiety and tell you what it was. It was a brain aneurysm. I didn't exactly know what it was but I had heard of them. Everything I heard was not good. An aneurysm is a weak spot on a blood vessel that bubbles out and most likely rupture when it gets big enough! Mine was 6 1/2 mm. Big enough to rupture!

Aneurysms are not common in children and if it was that big now it was only going to grow as I got older. It had to be fixed. We were told to find a neuro surgeon. Scary! We went to a few that were not right for me then we met Doctor Thorell. Doctor Thorell was so kind and he talked to me about was going on... Not just my mom and dad, like the other surgeons. When Doctor Thorell started talking about the treatment it hit me. I was going to have brain surgery! I started crying. Doctor Thorell handed me a tissue and said it was going to be okay.

Doctor Thorell's confidence helped me with mine. I knew that if my surgeon was confident in his ability to fix this I could be brave! I had tests and more scans that had to be done before the surgery that made it all seem a little too real. I had moments of anger and fear but I also had moments of knowing that the fact it was found was a blessing. Most aneurysms are not found before they rupture! Most that rupture don't live. I was blessed that it was found. After this was taken care of I get to live a full, long life.

The morning of the surgery I didn't cry... until we pulled up to the hospital. We walked in and dad went up to the counter and I sat in mom's lap. We waited. My pastor came in and read Psalm 91. Psalm 91 is what several people have read or sent in letter's to me. When he said he would be reading out of Psalm 91. I couldn't believe it. After he read it he gave me the book of Psalms that he read it from. Shortly after that they called my name and my mom, dad and I followed a woman through the hallway into a room with two chairs, a desk and a computer.
She asked my dad some questions that I couldn't even hear because I was looking out the window and thoughts were racing through my head.

The woman was looking in my direction and said something. It sounded like "ma ave yur and". I looked at her. She repeated "May I have your hand?". I lifted my hand and she put two bracelets on it. One said 'NO KNOWN ALLERGIES' and the other had my name, date of birth and a ton of numbers on it. We walked back out into the waiting room and waited for my name to be called again. We walked into what seemed to be a whole different hospital. There was a long hallway and on one side there were greenish-blue curtains. The nurse pulled one curtain open. There was a bed and a million electrical things that I have no idea what they are for.

On the bed there was a hospital gown. It wasn't the cutest but none the less I closed the curtain and changed into it. I opened the curtain and my mom and dad walked in. I slid under the covers and there I laid in the hospital bed. Waiting, waiting, waiting. What was I waiting for? My aneurysm was going to be clipped! As I laid there my mom and dad took turns letting Nick (my brother) and Fallon (my sister) come in to see me.

Doctor Thorell came in and sat down at the end of the bed. "What are we going to do about your hair?" He said. I had gotten a short hair cut a week before because I was told it would have to be shaved off and I wanted to take a small step. I replied to him "I'm ready! Just take it all off.".
He looked at me... "No. I don't think we have to do that.". He said. "I think we will just take off a little bit." He used his fingers like a marker across his head to show me how much he was going to take off. "How does that sound?" He asked. "Really? That's awesome!" I said with a little smile. I looked at my mom "I get to keep my hair!" I said and then started to cry.

Doctor Thorell got up "Now... I am going to go eat a ham scramble. But you can't because you can't eat anything!" He said jokingly. The anastigiologist walked in and talked to me about what was going to happen. She numbed my hand and stuck a few things in my hand (they were for IVs). A little more waiting and then she came back in and put some liquid through the plastic thing in my hand. I felt it going through my arm. I can remember a few things after that but it is a little blurry.


The next thing I remember is this white light above me and people around me. They handed my bible to me "here's your baby book". Baby book? I had no fear! 'With long life I will satisfy him and show him my salvation' it was almost like I was reading it strait in front of me. I felt the presence of God all around me. I have never felt so close to Him. He was with me, in the operating room. The Great Physician!


Recovery wasn't easy but it was easier than the anxiety leading up to the surgery. By the grace of God I am here. Being told that at the age of nineteen this aneurysm could have taken my life... That is hard to wrap my mind around.









Going home!
With 30 staples (temporary) ,
2 titanium clips, 3 metal plates and 6 metal screws (permanent).